March 12, 2014 § 1 Comment
So yesterday was the 1st death anniversary of one of my best friends, who died of pulmonary fibrosis. This is for her. :)
She was a little awkward,
A little too carefree.
She chewed with her mouth open
And told us jokes
At the same time,
About everything and nothing
With the rice and noodles
Making their way onto the table.
And we were laughing back
And telling her to
Chew her food properly
And swallow before talking
But she’d just grin
And laugh again.
I could only describe it as
It was a cross between the laughs of
Scooby Doo and
With extra breaths in between.
With the double and triple h’s
Sounding like the spitting sound
Back of your mouth;
The “ch” in the German “achtung”
Or “ich liebe dich”.
When she laughed,
We all started to as well.
There was this time
We were standing together,
Just the two of us.
Waiting for our other friends
After our high school yearbook photo shoot
In the Bell House
At John Hay,
And it was about 4 in the afternoon.
I was in my gold dress,
Wearing my elephant ring,
And she was holding a book,
Wearing a colorful
(Again, as always–
She was so cheerful).
And there was this moment,
This one second
When the sunlight was perfectly golden,
And it hit her
At just the right angle
In just the right place
At just the right time
And I saw her in a way
I never really had before.
And I paused
And smiled and said,
And she just looked at me
Like I was crazy,
But she was still grinning,
And she was beautiful.
She really was.
She faced everything
She was full of laughter,
So full of love,
And she never gave up
The words on her headstone
Are painted in her favorite color,
They’re the perfect words
And she did.
She really did.
To the very end.
March 9, 2014 § 11 Comments
Again, I’m posting after another long blog-cation (ha.) and neglecting school work (ha. ha.) for about an hour to post this poem and prettify it (ha. ha. ha.). So anyway, enough of my craziness… :D
This is a short and simple poem, but I somehow feel… attached to it. I wrote it just last night for a good friend’s niece, who is just a few months old. I haven’t met her yet but somehow just hearing about her from my friend’s stories is enough to make me go back to my dream of having a sibling. (Being the only child has its perks but I’ve always wanted a brother.) One other thing that made me want to write this for her is her name– a word I have always loved. I truly love words (as I keep repeating :D) and think they’re magical. And this word in particular has always been special to me. Which is why I was ecstatic when my friend told me her name. But anyway, I digress.
Read on. Oh, and before I forget… I’m making this a mini-game. I’m not going to mention her name. The clue is in the poem and the picture. Mwahahahaha. And whoever guesses it right in the comments has the right to recommend the subject for my next post– which will actually be a big help for me, so thank you in advance. The more challenging, the better. :D
Now, really… Read on. :)
Sleep for now, just close your eyes
And dream of lives with bluer skies
‘Cause soon you’ll face a big dark world
And wait on pages still unfurled
You’ll face the dragons in your sleep
And conquer kingdoms beneath your feet
You’ll meet the nightmares that you fear
And crush the monsters that draw near
You’ll feel the ground under your shoes
And live like you’ve nothing left to lose
You’ll gaze at stars and watch them shine
You’ll dance until the end of time
But until then, you’re safe and sound
No enemies, no fears around
Surrounded by a cloud of love
Watched over by eyes high above
So sleep for now and close your eyes
And dream of worlds with brighter skies.
July 20, 2013 § 3 Comments
Since I can’t really think of a more creative title right now, I’m settling for this. :D
This is gonna be a short one, since I don’t have much on my mind today except sheer happiness. I’m so grateful to God for another year, another day, for my parents and friends and loved ones and just… Everyone and everything. I’m overflowing right now with feelings I can’t really express in words, no matter how much I try. And if I do, I’m sure it’ll all just sound nonsensical. But I’ll try.
I’m excited to live all over again. I’ve got wings and I’m flying and sometime I’m gonna touch the ground but I’m going to fly right back up again. My heart is aching with something unknown and no matter how happy I am right now, it’s still not enough. I have so many unfulfilled longings and desires that I can only find in an entirely different world from now. C.S. Lewis. How I love that thought.
“If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world.”
I’m flitting in between topics now, but this honestly just how I feel right now. I can’t even find it in me to proofread and correct my grammar anymore, since I just want to post this as soon as I finish typing it because I just want to continue savoring this feeling. And that didn’t even make any sense.
I’m not making sense. And I feel wonderful.
Please excuse posts like this. I just feel… Full. Full of joy. Of love. Of longing. Of God. Of happiness. Of everything.
I haven’t posted in a while, and I apologize that this next post is something not really understandable. Maybe. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just sleepy or something. But no, I’m not.
I’m breaking my chains.
I’m letting go.
I’m spreading my wings.
I’m a flying elephant.
(I’ll probably explain more of that in my next post :D)
Thank you for bearing with me on this one. ^_^
Maybe I’m just being like this because of the joy of turning 18 or something, but no. It’s not just that. It’s something different. I’m not really supposed to feel any different, but I do. And I’m still rambling.
Anyway… Well, that’s it for now.
Happy birthday to all July 20-ers out there as well. :)
God is so, so good.
Soli Deo gloria.
June 11, 2013 § 2 Comments
Correction from my last post: I’m going to try to post something whenever I can. :) School just started again, so I shall continue to make time for the blog. No long, hibernation-neglect this time, but daily updates shouldn’t be expected. Although I will try. :D
So here’s the new one. A short story for now. It’s a dark-ish one, but I hope you like it. Read on. :)
It had happened again.
The tiny pebbles thrown by jeering children who felt the need to make their parents’ revulsion their own.
The whispers and murmurs among shopkeepers and traders and wives who never even bothered to hide their discomfort around her.
The laughter. The mocking. The stares. The disgust.Of course it had happened again. It happened everyday. It was routine. It was life. Her life.
And as usual, it was sheer torment.
She had only been staring at the children. Staring at their gleeful, excited expressions as they played and ran around the neighborhood and danced on the grass. Staring at their innocence.
She was fascinated. The happiness in their expressions seemed like something she’d never experienced before. It was a mystery.
Drawn in by their smiles, she had approached them. Slowly. Carefully.
And when she saw that they had taken notice of her, her fascination had quickly turned into fright as she’d watched their own faces turn from joy to horror to menace and scorn.
Oh, how they’d recovered from their initial fear and had taken on expressions of glee as they started pointing and yelling and picking up stones.
Oh, how fast their mothers had come to their aid with wide eyes and sneers, whispering loudly among themselves and not bothering to tame their words.
“What does she plan to do with the children? Never know…”
“…Crazy, it’s obvious to anyone who…”
“Mama, why’s she like that?”
“Shh! She’ll come after you at night and…”
She didn’t understand why.
All she knew was that she felt a dull throbbing in her chest that hurt her so much more than the stones did.
All she’d wanted to do was play. To ask them how they could be so free. Why they didn’t seem to have chains on their wrists and ankles. How they could ignore the pain.
All she’d wanted was to have what she saw in the children. Happiness. But she’d only left feeling a hundred times more sad than before.
And she’d gone to seek refuge in there. As usual, it pulled her. Her special place. The only place in the world where she could shut out every other sound she heard that made her feel life was worthless.
Once again, she was running to the old bell tower.
The door opened at the touch of her hands with a loud wooden creak, and she sprinted up the staircase. She knew all its twists and turns, was familiar with every single crack on its surface– and yet every time she climbed it, it always felt like the first.
Even as she continued on upwards, she was already starting to feel the tower’s effect on her. Inside, the turmoil was vanishing with every step. Inside, her chaos was being replaced by a child-like anticipation of what was waiting for her upstairs.
And then there she was. At the top of the tower, in a small room just below the bells.She was in her safe place, her haven.
She was home.
As she walked into the room, the bells mysteriously started sounding in their cacophony, as they always did whenever she walked in.
For her. Only for her.
Comforted by the noisy clanging of the bells, she closed her eyes and grabbed a broom in the corner. The rhythm was a melody to her, and she swung the dusty stick around in circles, lifting her skirts in a pretend curtsy, and twirling around the room. Imagining.
She shut her eyes tightly and danced, enraptured by the music of the monotonous bells.
In them, she heard a song.
And when they stopped ringing, the song died. As well as something inside of her.
She went back to being herself, the she who was afraid of the jeering taunts and mocking laughter.
Exhausted, she padded towards a small bed in the corner, taking off her sandals and lying down. As she stared at the cobwebbed ceiling, she tried to imagine what the next day would have in store for her.
She thought of the next round of jeers and taunts and haunting laughter that tomorrow held. And she feared.
But then, amidst the chaos of her thoughts, another rose up. Something that would drown the rest out in its simplicity, and yet, its power.
And so she shut her eyes and dreamed. She dreamed of the second the bells would toll again. For her.
Only for her.
June 4, 2013 § 6 Comments
No, this isn’t a poem or a short story. Yet. :)
This blog entry is all about today. Today, being an awesome day.
So… on to the enumeration of factors that make today something worth writing about:
1. I was able to reunite with my co- JENESYS (Japan East-Asia Network of Exchange for Students and Youths) friends from Baguio and Benguet.
I went to Japan last May 2012 for a two week program in Japan called “JENESYS“. It was sponsored by the Japanese government and our batch had the theme “Disaster Risk Management and Prevention”, focusing on the Great East Japan Earthquake and the 3/11 Disaster. I learned so much from the whole experience. I’ll probably tell the whole story in another post. :)
For the program, our batch of 98 students was divided into four groups. This picture is of ours, the Fukuoka group. We visited Fukuoka (of course, hence the name) and took this picture together in front of the Kyushu Museum. It was a chance to bond with youths from different universities across the Philippines, and in the end we were like one huge family. :)
This was the picture we (the Baguio-Benguet Youth Ambassadors– couldn’t think of a more original name) took together last year. I love these guys. Together, we were able to accomplish so much. Last year after we arrived back home, we started planning and conducting seminars and forums and even an exhibit, showcasing everything we learned in Japan. We were even recognized by JICE– a very pleasant surprise for us.
And then there was today. We met and talked and laughed and reminisced and spent time catching up on each other’s lives. We ate pizza and pasta and drank mango shakes, then went to an awesome Book Cafe and had mint chocolate shakes and coffee and stuff. After not seeing each other for so many months, it was just so good to be with them again. :)
Also, because of our conversations– which ranged from the economy of the US and Japan to coffee beans to some orange dude to leftover pizza– I realized I want to continue applying for more programs. I guess learning about people and cultures is just one of my passions. ^_^
So we’re done with the first factor. Now on to the next:
2. It is the 19th wedding anniversary of two amazing people.
Happy anniversary to my awesome parents! <3
They’ve been together through thick and thin (and me, of course– probably worse than thick and thin combined xD). Wait, I just realized that afterthought didn’t really make sense. Thick and thin combined?
They are amazing parents.
I am so blessed by them, and every single day I thank God for letting me have them as my parents. I have no idea how to ever pay them back for everything they’ve done for me.
*Pretend “You Raise Me Up” is playing in the background right now*
I love these people so much, and I’m so happy they’re mine. (Evil laughter: you’re mine!) xD
They’re mine, and I’m theirs. <3
Thank you Lord, for this wonderful day.
Soli Deo gloria.
June 1, 2013 § 5 Comments
Hi again, everyone :) It is now my goal to post something new everyday to make up for all the lost time. I just realized I miss writing so much. There’s just something about words that entangle me in their universe. So… here’s the new poem. I particularly love this one, and I feel really attached to it for some reason. Read on, and enjoy :)
Tear the pages off
And keep them in your heart.
Swallow up the words
So they never melt apart.
Catch them with your teeth,
And taste them on your tongue.
Breathe them in so deep
That they invade your lungs.
Feel them pierce your soul
And permeate your all;
Fill you with their tune,
And into your senses crawl.
Tear the pages off
And never let them go.
Cut them in your skin
Until their blood begins to flow.
Tear the pages off,
Don’t let them fall apart.
Tear the pages off
And keep them in your heart.
May 31, 2013 § 8 Comments
Hey everyone. I’m back! The writer’s block is finally over. I haven’t been writing or posting for almost a year already so I’m pretty sure my writing has gotten kinda rusty. Please forgive the rust :D I just thought of this last night. I typed it all down first into my phone’s Notes app since I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Hope you guys like it. Enjoy. And thank you so much :)
Her name was Love,
Gave herself away
To everyone she could
With her strong, fragile
And her beautiful, white
She gave herself
To the old
And the young,
To the rich and
Like a storm:
Like a whisper:
She loved like a
She loved all
That she could,
And she always
Had more left
To such depths,
Tears of great
Each time she was
By countless people,
By people who
And drained her.
But she picked herself up
She always had–
It was her nature,
For she was